Mann Ki Bhadaas

Hello hello hello!

People: What happened!? Somebody just put up a blog after a long sabbatical! Oh my God!
Me: Was it a sabbatical? Hell no!
People: What were you doing all this time?
Me: Was mentally preparing myself to see these Bollywood marriage photos and feel happy, emotional and pointless at the same time.
People: WHAT!?
Me: No, I didn’t do that. I was sleeping.
People: Seriously! -.-
Me: I’m lying!
People: Be serious for once!

Me: Okay I couldn’t produce content. It suddenly became tough to churn out some quality content.

But ah, who cares? I’m back! (Koffee with Karan track plays)

So all this while I was observing people, things and trends around me. I’m going to rant about some “cool” trends. Shall we begin?

People: OH YES!

(I like this fact that I’m having imaginary people around me who are excited to read xD)

*breathes*

If you see, there’s this divider kinda thing created between us. One side is the “Hey we the cool peoplez” and the other side is just, humans.

Yeh “cool peoplez” ko samajhna kaafi mushkil hai.

This happened with me once:
Friend: “Bro you drink?
Me: “No bro”
Friend: “Whattay baccha you are”
And I’m like Haan haan bachpan mein daaru peete the doodh ke badle. Kaafi cool ho tumlog.

 

“Main PUBG khelta hai toh main cool”.

Nahi. Tum velle ho aur tumein tumhara guilty pleasure mil chuka hai.

And moreover, people have made this game as their deciding factor for friendship.
“MUJHE GUN NAHI DIYA TU!”
“MUJHE REVIVE NAHI KIYA TU HARAMI. DHOKA DIYA TUNE”.

Talking about deciding factors for friendships, we have something called as Snapchat Streaks.

Bhai Bhai Bhai. If you don’t have streaks with at least 20 people, you have no life. Max boring.
Let a single streak break, they would be spammed with “HUMARE MEHENAT PE PAANI DAAL DIYA TUNE. KALANK HAI TU DOSTI PAR”

The people who do all this are the same ones who put up stories on Instagram like “This year has taught me to not trust anybody”, “Life is unpredictable”, “Strangers became friends and friends became strangers”, “I’ve been put through so much that I don’t care anymore”.

We care? Year has taught you stuff? How about you learn somethings taught in college and get better marks and less KTs? Sounds so good right?

I’ll be waiting for some reply which would go like “Haters gonna hate”

Buddy, hating you is not the aim of life. Humein konsa param anand milne wala hai isse?

*breathes*

Let’s talk about Instagram Stories.

It has everything except for a nice story to see. It is the life’s validation point. Like Sabyasachi ka dress nahi pehena toh shaadi, shaadi nahi hota waise hi theatre mein movie title ka pic, story pe upload nahi kiya toh do you even watch movies?

Nowadays the trend is “Drop a heart and I’ll post my favourite pic from your feed”, “Vote or TBH”, “Ask me anything”, “Have I hurt you ever? If yes, let’s resolve it before the year ends” or ‘What we should do before 2k18 ends?”

Scam hai boss.
Their bios would read “No DMs please” aur ab inko DMs ki barsaat chaiye.

I didn’t understand this thing where people wanted to meet before 2k18 ended and the reply to that was also “sure”.

Pehele if you ask them to meet you, they’ll be like “Nahi yaar. Mummy ke saath bahar jaana hai”, “Busy hu thoda” blah blah.
And now they want to have a meet and greet. Sab 1000 followers paal rakhe hai, Kis kisko miloge?

Ask Me Anything made me realise that the world has so much creativity! Oh my. No wonder Einstien died early. These people would’ve given him some serious complex.

Here are some of the questions:

Melody itni chocolaty kyu hai? Haan yeh sawaal UPSC ke exam mein aane wala hai. Chalo padhte hai iska jawaab.

Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai? Haan hai harami. Aaja khilata hu.

Do you hate me? AISE NA MUJHE TUM PUCHO, GOLI MAIN CHALA DUNGA.

Sarahah too. Every response to the questions asked would be “Thanks. DM”.
Didi, apna DM section kholke dekho. Vahi launde hai jinko tumne “eew creepz” ke section mein daala hai.

I know you all term this as “Time-pass bro. I’m bored”, its sometimes very irritating. Those people whom you’ve termed as creeps are getting a chance to be creepy once again. Don’t give them that leverage and don’t let us get reactions like “Arey yaar iska story aagaya” when we see your story icon.

*breathes*

As December started, I felt more and more pointless because Bollywood logon ki shaadi hogayi!

Long trains, beautiful sceneries, people getting emotional because trending and media people getting “hot topic”, December had everything.

Some people were just like “Inki privacy gayi vada pav bechne, main live stream karega venue se”. Girls literally went from “I hate couples. Being single is the best” to “MUJHE SHAADI KARNI HAIN AUR SABYASACHI KA DRESS CHAIYE”. That escalated faster than light.

Some people around me were like “What is happening? No photos have been uploaded! Kya chalu hai?” and “Lehenga ke neeche sneakers bohot ganda dikhta hai”

ITS THEIR WISH. CHACHI KI LADKI TUMHARI? CHHODO UNHE.

The obsession people had with these marriages, PUBG players got a complex.

I understand this all has become a trend but they’re doing this for themselves to cherish in the future. Here we are wasting our time feeling happy (for some time) and pointless most of the times. We just set a benchmark after we see all that and if we don’t get there, depression kicks in and those Instagram self-pitying stories would be back again.

Being normal is fine. Totally.

Learn to keep things simple. There is no need for the whole world to know that you’ve crossed 100 days on Snapchat or you’re having chicken dinner tonight. Don’t do things because others are doing it and you want to feel relevant. Do things which make you happy and feel satisfied under no pressure.

Wouldn’t that be a nice year New Year resolution?

 

Man, I’ve ranted. I may have spoken something wrong and you must’ve not liked it but yo new year new me. Right?
Drink milkshakes and get good sleep. Zindagi ka param anand ussi mein hai.

Happy New Year people! Be human.

*breathes*

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